The Female's Brain

Scientists have finally discovered what is wrong with the female brain:
On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Passing Gas

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod

The Bank Robbers

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."

IRK Toothpaste

Working With The FBI

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house. "Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep" "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Good day!

Still Drink Beer?

Scientists for the department of Health in Canada have suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were fed six pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

P Ramlee

Philosophy Of Life

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village. A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long." they answered in unison. "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families. "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" "We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat." "And after that?" "With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! [ From there you can direct your huge new enterprise." "How long would that take?" "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist. "And after that?" "Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!" "Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.. "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.
And the moral of this story is: Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

Husband Training

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica .Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.' The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America '. We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , And we took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again.. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you $%#@! crazy?' She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.' And from that moment on.... 'We have lived happily ever after.'

The Smart Dog

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.' Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


Why ???


OH, come on... take a guess !!!




Think about it !!!







Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

Bad Day

Mental Case

The Dog

If you are an owner of a dog or know someone who has a dog which belongs to a 'dangerous breed' like the pit-bull category, or if you have a child visiting your house, please take this as a warning. Don't leave your dog with any small child unattended under any circumstances! Only one little moment was enough for this to happen. See the photo above!

............. The Dog .............

Can-Or-Not

Dr. Em (The PM) was thinking about sending somebody into space. Three potential can-or-nauts were called for an interview. An Indian, a Malay and a Chinese. Dr. Em interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission.. How much do you think you should be paid?" Muthu replied: "One million ringgit." "Why so much?" asks Dr. Em. "Very dangerous mission, Datuk. Maybe no come back!" replied Muthu. "That's understandable," says Dr. Em. "Thank you.. Please ask the Malay guy to come here,"
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question. "Alamak!...2 million, Datuk," replied the Malay candidate. "Two million? That's twice as much! Even the aneh before you asked for only one million." "You see, Datuk," explains the Malay, "I have 4 wives and 15 children. With 20 of us, it is a big family to support when I am gone...!" "I see," says Dr. Em. "Okay, can you ask that Chinese guy to come in then?"
The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. Em asks, "Ah Chong, given this is a very risky mission, how much do you want?" Ah Chong thinks for a while, and says, "3 million." Dr Em appears shocked. "What! 3 million? Why so much?" Ah Chong beckons Dr. Em to come closer. He quietly whispers into his ear, "Datuk, one million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send that aneh into space lah!" One malaysia !

3Malaysians

An Indian, a Chinese and a Malay were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all of them died. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Chinese, he stirred and opened his eyes.
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present, asked him what happened. "Well," said the Chinese, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Indian and the Malay and I were standing at the gates of heaven. An Angel approached us and said that we were too young to die, and that for a donation of RM 500, we could return to earth. So, of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the RM500.00 and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors. "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them" replied the Chinese, "the Indian was bargaining over the price, and the Malay was waiting for the government to pay for his."

A Practical Guide To Simple Living

Singapore's 'practice' for Simple Living:

1 - One Wife

2 - Two Children

3 - Three-Bedroom Condo

4 - Four Wheels

5 - Five-Figure Salary

Malaysia's 'practice' for Simple Living:

5 - Five Children

4 - Four Wives

3 - Three-Figure Salary

2 - Two Wheels

1 - One-Storey Link House

Runaway Husband

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red Porsche. So he decided to take his new Porsche on a test drive down the interstate one day.

He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new Porsche would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.

The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, “This is crazy, I could go to jail for this,” so he pulled over. The patrolman came to the car and told the man, “It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go.”

So the man told the officer, “Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I saw you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back.” The officer looked at the man and said, “Have a nice day.”

Blues

Petai

Petai contains three natural sugars -sucrose, fructose and glucose. Combined with fiber, petai gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.
Research has proved that just two servings of petai provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout.. No wonder petai is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.
But energy isn't the only way petai can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating petai. This is because petai contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier
PMS (premenstrual syndrome):
Forget the pills - eat petai. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anaemia:
High in iron, petai can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anaemia.
Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the petai industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power :
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating petai at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation:
High in fiber, including petai in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a petai milkshake, sweetened with honey. The petai calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn:
Petai has a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating petai for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness :
Snacking on petai between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites :
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of the petai skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation...
Nerves:
Petai is high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight:
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers:
Petai is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control :
Many other cultures see petai as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Holland , for example, pregnant women eat petai to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):
Petai can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, tryptophan.
Smoking:
Petai can also help people trying to give up smoking.. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium petai snack.
Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine" eating petai as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%".
Warts:
Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of petai and place it on the wart.. Carefully hold the petai in place with a plaster or surgical tape!


So, as you can see, petai really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals... It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A Petai a day keeps the doctor away".

Bananas

The fully ripe banana produces a substance called TNF which has the ability to ombat abnormal cells. The more dark patches it has, the higher will be its ' immunity enhancement quality. Hence the Japanese love bananas for a good reason. According to a Japanese scientific research, banana contains TNF which has anti-cancer properties.

The degree of anti-cancer effect corresponds to the degree of ripeness of the fruit, ie the riper the banana, the better the anti-cancer quality.

In an animal experiment carried out by a professor in Tokyo University comparing the various health benefits of different fruits,using banana, grape,apple, water melon, pineapple, pear and persimmon, it was found thatbanana gave the best results. It increased the number of white bloodcells, enhanced the immunity of the body and produced anti-cancer substance TNF.

The recommendation is to eat 1 to 2 bananas a day to increase your body immunity to diseases like cold, flu and others.

According to the Japanese professor, yellow skinned bananas with dark spots on it are 8 times more effective in enhancing the property of white blood cells than the green skin version.

Garlic

Garlic's health benefits and medicinal properties have long been known.
Garlic has long been considered a herbal "wonder drug", with a reputation in folklore for preventing everything from the common cold and flu to the Plague!
It has been used extensively in herbal medicine (phytotherapy, sometimes spelt phitotherapy). Raw garlic is used by some to treat the symptoms of acne and there is some evidence that it can assist in managing high cholesterol levels. It can even be effective as a natural mosquito repellent.
In general, a stronger tasting clove of garlic has more sulphur content and hence more medicinal value it's likely to have. Some people have suggested that organically grown garlic tends towards a higher sulphur level and hence greater benefit to health.It certainly tastes better, so buy organic whenever possible.

Some people prefer to take garlic supplements. These pills and capsules have the advantage of avoiding garlic breath.

Modern science has shown that garlic is a powerful natural antibiotic, albeit broad-spectrum rather than targeted. The body does not appear to build up resistance to the garlic, so its positive health benefits continue over time.

Classical Guitar Ensemble

What are the symptoms of swine flu (H1N1)?

Symptoms of swine flu are similar to most influenza infections: fever (100F or greater), cough, nasal secretions, fatigue, and headache, with fatigue being reported in most infected individuals. Some patients also get nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. In Mexico, many of the patients are young adults, which made some investigators speculate that a strong immune response may cause some collateral tissue damage.
Some patients develop severe respiratory symptoms and need respiratory support (such as a ventilator to breathe for the patient). Patients can get pneumonia (bacterial secondary infection) if the viral infection persists, and some can develop seizures. Death often occurs from secondary bacterial infection of the lungs; appropriate antibiotics need to be used in these patients.
The usual mortality (death) rate for typical influenza A is about 0.1%, while the 1918 "Spanish flu" epidemic had an estimated mortality rate ranging from 2%-20%. Swine flu in Mexico (as of April 2009) has had about 160 deaths and about 2,500 confirmed cases, which would correspond to a mortality rate of about 6%, but these initial data have been revised and the mortality rate currently in Mexico is estimated to be much lower. By June 2009, the virus had reached 74 different countries on every continent except Antarctica, and by September 2009, the virus had been reported in most countries in the world.
Fortunately, the mortality rate as of October 2009 has been low but higher than for the conventional flu (average conventional flu mortality rate is about 36,000 per year; projected novel H1N1 flu mortality rate is 90,000 per year in the U.S. as determined by the president's advisory committee).

Why is swine flu (H1N1) now infecting humans?

Swine flu (swine influenza) is a respiratory disease caused by viruses (influenza viruses) that infect the respiratory tract of pigs and result in nasal secretions, a barking-like cough, decreased appetite, and listless behavior. Swine flu produces most of the same symptoms in pigs as human flu produces in people.
Swine flu can last about one to two weeks in pigs that survive. Swine influenza virus was first isolated from pigs in 1930 in the U.S. and has been recognized by pork producers and veterinarians to cause infections in pigs worldwide.
In a number of instances, people have developed the swine flu infection when they are closely associated with pigs (for example, farmers, pork processors), and likewise, pig populations have occasionally been infected with the human flu infection. In most instances, the cross-species infections (swine virus to man; human flu virus to pigs) have remained in local areas and have not caused national or worldwide infections in either pigs or humans. Unfortunately, this cross-species situation with influenza viruses has had the potential to change. Investigators think the 2009 swine flu strain, first seen in Mexico, should be termed novel H1N1 flu since it is mainly found infecting people and exhibits two main surface antigens, H1 (hemagglutinin type 1) and N1 (neuraminidase type1).
Recent investigations show the eight RNA strands from novel H1N1 flu have one strand derived from human flu strains, two from avian (bird) strains, and five from swine strains.

Secret Of Levitation In India

Magic - Horizontal Levitation Revealed

Soursop

Extracts from the tree were shown to:

Effectively target and kill malignant cells in 12 types of cancer, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreatic cancer.
The tree compounds proved to be up to 10,000 times stronger in slowing the growth of cancer cells than Adriamycin, a commonly used chemotherapeutic drug!
What’s more, unlike chemotherapy, the compound extracted from the Graviola tree selectively hunts down and kills only cancer cells. It does not harm healthy cells!

Hands Up

Ginger

Did you know the benefits of Ginger?

Ginger is one of the world's seven most potent disease-fighting spices.

Ginger has been used for its health benefits for over 5000 years and is a favorite medicinal as well as culinary herb.

Unlike most spices, the part that has the most medicinal value grows under ground. Often mistakenly called “ginger root” this is actually the rhizome of the plant which is more of a subterranean stem than a root. Although you can use dried ginger and powdered ginger for health benefits, fresh ginger is preferred.

The intake of ginger helps stimulate the secretion of mucus, quieting your cough and soothing any scratchiness in your throat.

Ginger has been proven (in multiple studies) to treat feelings of nausea, particularly in the form of seasickness, morning sickness, motion sickness and as a side effect of chemotherapy.

In pregnancy is to be extra careful!! Never use any herb, including ginger, without first discussing it with your doctor!! As for those suffering from ulcer, or other very serious gastric problems, they should also consult their doctor.

Ginger contains anti viral, anti toxic, and anti fungal properties, and is used for the prevention of and treatment against the common cold.

Ginger acts as an antihistamine and aids in the treatment of allergies.

Ginger displays anti inflammatory properties and can be used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, osteoarthritis, and various other muscular disorders.

The chemical components of the root are instrumental in inhibiting the biosynthesis of prostaglandins which are responsible for causing inflammation.

Thus the root has proven to be a highly effective form of treatment, in some cases, even more so than the NSAID's that are traditionally prescribed.

So eating ginger may help to prevent cancer and aging disorders.

Ginger contains special enzymes responsible for catalyzing the proteins in your food, thus aiding in digestion and the prevention of cramps.

Good for those with constipation!

The ancient Greeks used to eat ginger after a large meal,in order to ease the digestion process.

Ginger has proven to help lower your cholesterol levels and prevent the formation of blood clots.

As a mood enhancer, ginger's cineole content may help contribute to stress relief.

Also used for migraine headache.
Ginger can also be used for reducing toothache and the discomfort which arises due to the infection in the upper respiratory tract due to its antibacterial and antifungal nature.

Chewing on fresh ginger,can help freshen the breath.

Being a warming herb, ginger can help knock out a fever. This property also makes it effective in stimulating circulation of the blood.

It can also help relax muscles around the blood vessels and is said to help prevent blood clots from forming. The warming effects make it a natural decongestant as well as an antihistamine, making it the perfect remedy for colds.

Some studies show that it can even help inhibitthe replication of the herpes simplex virus.
Recent studies show that ginger might also have a role in lowering LDL cholesterol because the spice can help reduce the amount of cholesterol that is absorbed.

It has also been shown in animal trials to help slow or even prevent cancerous tumor growth.

To discover the health benefits of ginger for yourself, simply make a tea by steeping about 5 slices of ginger in hot water.

If you prefer it in your food, Ginger is excellent in many dishes and is perfect when combined with garlic.

Ginger doesn't only spice up your food it can also help to put some extra spice in your intimate life too. It improves blood flow to your sexual organs, and contains Vitamin C, zinc and magnesium.
Hope it will be of benefits to you & others.

Wishing you all a happy healthy life.
"Health is Wealth"

Understanding Computer Technology

FARTING AT TIFFANY'S

A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY'S .. SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT...

AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS...

VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR...

AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER...

GOOD LOOKING AS WELL .. COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY'S...

HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, 'GOOD DAY, MADAM .. HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY???

BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE 'INCIDENT', SHE ASKS, 'SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET ??'

HE ANSWERS, "MADAM .. IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT - YOU'RE GOING TO SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE .."

The Married Lion

A lion was getting married...

At his wedding was a mouse shouting away...& congratulating the lion: " All the best my brother ... good luck...".
Seeing the mouse shouting away - claiming that the lion getting married was his brother, another lion grabbed the mouse in anger & asked:
"Who the hell do you think you are? How can a lion be your brother? You are only a mouse!"

The Mouse replied.. ”I was also a lion…..... before I got married.”

WOMAN - John Lennon

Moonflower

Correct Way Of Eating Fruits

EATING FRUITS
We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. It's not as easy as you think. It's important to know how and when to eat. What is the correct way of eating fruits? IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS! FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities. FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.
Let's say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so. In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals!
You have heard people complaining — every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc — actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!
Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will NOT happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach. There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight. When you need to drink fruit juice - drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't even drink juice that has been heated up. Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.
But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!
KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals. ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer. WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene — the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.
GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C.. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content.. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.
Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can u believe this?? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
A serious note about heart attacks. HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE': (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.

How Can It Be True?

Family Garage

Worst Job

Man + Woman

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits
Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

The Terrace

Color Illusions

Three Nuns And The Blind Man

It was a hot day outside..so the three nuns decided to take off their clothes and bolt the door to the church. Since there were stained-glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was locked. The nuns were busy doing renovations when a Thud Thud Thud hit the door.
The shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when she asked "Who is it"?
The reply from behind the door was "Its the blind man". The 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no problem they figured, and let him in.
Upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said "Holy shit sister, nice tits!! ... Where do you want your blinds? "

Bumper Stickers Collection

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides

Don't come knocking if the car is rocking

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain

All men are Idiots, and I married their King

DRIVE LIKE HELL.. YOU'LL GET THERE!

Dangerous Gases

This can be a killer at times too.

Heavens Ugliest Women

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."
So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.
So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"
He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

80-year-old man and a 28-year-old wife

80-year-old man : My 28-year-old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man : That's impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.
Doctor : MY POINT EXACTLY!

Perfect Shot

This shot was taken from a Nikon D80 during a fireworks
display at Putra Jaya , near Kuala Lumpur.The timing of
the shot was perfect when everything peaked.

Poems For Old Married Couples

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in the air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart and I got a Heart Attack.

HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE: Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND: The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in the cage but laughing at you