Hokkien Opera

Look, Don't You Ever Dare Complain About Your Job.

Why The Stadium Is Empty

3-D Shot

Ah Beng Took Part In A Quiz

During the Q&A segment, the host asks :“Name a drink that begins with the letter ‘G’
The crowd shouts : “Gin! Gin!”Others exclaim : “No, its Grape Juice!”
Another smart aleck yells : “Alamak, Gatorade!”Host : “Quiet please.”
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, “C’mon man, you think I need their help? I got more oliginal answer, Guni !” (milk in hokkien)

My New Dictionary

Blonde Paint Job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Two Zebras Pondering

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

The Ultimate Drum Kit

Obscene Cloud

Awesome 3-D Drawing

Banta And The Pair Of Shoes Saga

Banta owned two pairs of boots, one with thick soles and the other with thin soles.
He climbed out of bed one morning and he made the mistake of putting one of each of the boots on, which made walking very uncomfortable. 'How strange! How is it that my legs aren't the same length today?' Banta asked himself in surprise.
A friend passing by told him, 'Oy, Banta, your boots aren't a pair.'
Hearing this Banta hurried home to change his boots. However, when he got home and saw the other boots, Banta thought for a moment and said to himself, 'There's no need to change. These other two are not a pair either. One is thick and the other thin.'

Banta And The Clock

Banta is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Banta agrees.
'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.' The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours , Banta figures he has been made a fool by that man.
On the next day Banta is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. 'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.'
Banta gives him the thousand and says, 'Oye, I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder.'

Banta And The Lottery Ticket

Banta finds himself in considerable trouble. His business has gone bust and he has serious financial concerns. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray:'Oh God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.'Lotto night arrives and somebody else wins it.
Banta goes back to the temple, 'God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lotto night comes and Banta still has no luck!! Back to the temple he goes.
'God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?'
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Banta is confronted by the voice of the Lord, 'OYE BANTA, YOU HAVE TO BUY THE TICKET FIRST.'

The Beggar

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money.
The man ignored him.. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, 'I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.'
'I would have bought a cup of tea', replied the beggar.
The man said, 'Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea'.
He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, 'I don't smoke as it is injurious to health.
' The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, 'Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. Its really good'.
The beggar refused by saying, 'Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver'.
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, 'I am going to the race course.
Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.
If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone'. As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, 'Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.' Suddenly the man felt relieved!! And asked the beggar to come to his home with him.
Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man.. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, 'Why do you want me to go to your house with you'.
The man replies ............ ......... .........
' I always wanted to show my wife how a man with no Bad habits looks like' .

The Sacrifice

10 Sardars and a girl were hanging below a rescue helicopter on a rope.
The pilot said that one must leave because of overloading and the rope will give way anytime. The girl said that she will sacrifice herself.That was when the sardars started clapping.

April Fool

Sardar got onto a bus on 1st April.When the conductor asked for the ticket, he gave Rs.10/- , took the ticket and said," April fool, I have a pass".

Three Is Equal To Four

Theorem: 3=4
Proof:

Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

There's A Solution To Every Problem

Eating Garlic Is Bad

Portuguese Words Of The Day

The teacher told Nuno to use the following words in a sentence.
1. *Cheese*
Nuno replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t know how to read so I shoulder.
4. * Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!
5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

W T F

100% At Work

My Wife Is Trying To Kill Me

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?"
"No."
"Then why in God's name did ya think she's gonna kill ya?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she's gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud. The immigrant became indignant and said, "What so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle said, Polish Remover?"