Girl From Ipanema - Solo Classical Guitar

Riddles

1. A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son.
Who am I?.



2. A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bustrip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples. Why?
















Answer: 1. Daughter
2. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

R. Federer Ad.

Tickle Your Grey Matter

Try to tickle your grey matter.
Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it..

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 Now add 10 .
What is the total?









Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100.

MBBS Students

1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY. For exampe, he inserted his finger into the dead dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth. Then he told them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.But eventually everyone inserted their fingers into the dog's mouth & then tasted it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION; I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger.Now learn to pay attention.


Moral of the story:Life is tough but it’s a lot tougher when you are not paying attention

Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,
a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds.
Got your answer?

The result:

If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're dense.
Giraffe = you're a complete moron.
Squirrel = you're hopeless.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!

A Lawyer And A Chinese

A lawyer and a Chinese are sitting next to each other on a long flight.The lawyer is thinking that all Chinese are so dumb that he could get over on them, easy.So the lawyer asks if the Chinese would like to play a fun game. The Chinese is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines, and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the Chinese's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question.'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Chinese doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer?Now, it's the Chinese's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Chinese and hands him $500. The Chinese pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Chinese up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The Chinese reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. Don't mess with Chinese

" Kan Pei "

"Once there was a Chinese wedding dinner. The dinner occupied only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some American tourists.
As the wedding Chinese couple hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of " KAN PEI .. "(happy & joyous drinking) gets louder and louder.One American gets more and more irritated as the couple get closer to him.
" KAN PEI ...!" " KAN .... PEI"....!!!" The cheers continued.
Finally, the irritated American couldn't take it anymore. He stood upon his chair and shouted. "OK! OK! I HEAR YOU. IFYOU CAN'T PAY, THEN LET ME PAY FOR YOU...!"

English Made "Easy"

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

The Topless Bar

Bananas Everywhere

There was this UGLY woman, so ugly it hurts. She never had a boyfriend, remains a virgin. So she went to a psychic for help.
Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love in this life. But after death, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet. She left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought: "The sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins” She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But, incredibly she didn't die! She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was,she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face and said: "GENTLEMEN, PLEASE…PLEASE, ONE AT A TIME !!

Italian English

At bus stop 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:"Emma comes first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one last time.
""You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "In this country ....... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."
"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."

Lubang Kubur

Bailout Explained

Sue Wong Marries Lee Wong

Sue Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him.... Sum Ting Wong